Holla Back, Youngin

I'm sure you've heard this a thousand times...

2011-01-10T10:53:00.003-05:00

Sorry for the long hiatus, everybody! But we're BACK for 2011.

Near the Busboys and Poets at 5th and K St, NW, I am walking in a dress, coat, tights and ankle boots.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" I turn to see who is addressing me. The young man continues, "I'm sure you've heard this a thousand times. But you have the most beautiful legs I have ever seen."

This may be the nicest holla I've ever received.

I reply, "Actually, I have heard that a few times" and smile.

"Well, you keep wearing what you're wearing and I'll keep saying it."

"Thanks, sounds good to me!"

And he went along his way. I almost wanted to call after him, "Do you want to grab dinner sometime??"

Must Be Hard to Buy Jeans

2010-05-19T08:00:00.001-04:00

Today at work I was on my way to get a cup of coffee.

As I exited the building I made note of a man walking behind me, I thought he had been in the elevator with me.

"Must be hard to buy jeans with those calves," he says.

I laughed. Mostly because it's a truer statement than he probably realizes. "Yeah, I'm just thankful they still make boot cut jeans. Those skinny jeans...I mean, I can't even get the thigh of the pant over my calf."

We make some chit chat about how it's good to be strong, even if you don't feel like it when you're younger, maybe you get teased becuase you have something other people don't. As we are about to diverge he wishes me a good day and concludes, "I look forward to seeing you around the rest of the summer."

My calves felt quite complimented.

You've Got Nice Teeth

2010-05-18T11:32:00.002-04:00

Some days, you're the holla'd at, some days you're just a witness to the holla.

Today was one of those days.

I was riding into work on the bus becuase of the rain, with sweatpant bottoms on, work blouse on top, and like 3 bags and an umbrella. A few blocks from where I got on, a very nicely dressed couple boarded the bus. There was no room for them to sit together, so he sat down right behind her, but they weren't really talking.

A couple blocks later this obnoxious guy gets on the bus asking which route it is and where it goes (the bus driver must have explained this to people at almost every stop), sits down and says to the girl who got on with her boyfriend, "Good morning." Oh no I thought He has that tone...

She replied, "Good morning," very politely and avoided eye contact.

He said something I couldn't quite make out but apparently it made her smile because the next comment caused me to jerk my head up from Pilgrim at Tinker Creek in amazement.

"You've got nice teeth, too." She laughed uncomfortably. Nice teeth? Really?

"I'm a good kisser..." he continued.

At this point, all the proverbial wheels fell off the methaphorical wagon. The poor girl turned bright red and was obviously flustered as she said, "Oh, no thanks, I'm just trying to ride the bus..." and her boyfriend, upon realizing what was happening, put a protective arm on her shoulder.

The obnoxious guy pauses from his ramble about them getting together when he notices the boyfriend. "Oooh. That's your boyfriend? I didn't know you had a boyfriend. I'm ont disrespectful, I wouldn't have said anything if you would have told me. Why didn't you say anything? Why aren't you sitting together? Ya'll should be sitting together," he carried on for a little while. Oh, you're right, it's their fault that you didn't stop harassing this girl when she got uncomfortable. Finally, I had had enough.

"Dude, there weren't enough seats for them to sit together. Lay off and leave them alone," I tell him. He doesn't seem to hear me, or at least acts like he doesn't.

A little ways down the road I smile at the couple and say, "Happens all the time. In fact, I have a whole blog about situations like this," I gesture around the bus. "I'm going to write about you. But don't worry, I don't know your name, so you'll be safe and anonymous."

They disembark at Union Station and we exchange, "Have a nice day!"s.

As they got off, it made me think a little more seriously about this whole business. Most "holla's" that I encounter don't feel threatening at all. But this girl obviously felt victimized...and the guy knew it. And that's not okay.

Ethnically Ambiguous Holla

2010-05-11T19:53:00.003-04:00

First of all, this hollaback story needs some explanation. I have always been what you might call "ethnically ambiguous." Meaning that at house parties people think I hail from various places around the globe including Russia, Iran, Latin America, Israel, etc. At the end of the day, I'm white, but I keep 'em guessing.

So I'm riding the 96 home from Adams Morgan tonight when a man on the bus says to me, "You're cute for a white girl...You white, right baby girl?"

He would definitely not have won the game, "Guess what ethnicity I am."

Equal Opportunity Holla

2010-04-23T13:53:00.001-04:00

I had two experiences recently where I received hollas of some sort from the ladies.

The first was during the nuclear summit, and barely qualifies:

One of DC's finest was standing at Mass Ave and 11th St NW, keeping cars, bikes, pedestrians, etc at bay. I biked up to ask her and the woman in uniform beside her where the nearest thru-street was. She said that she knew 7th and H was open. She then changed the subject.

"You bike every day?"

"Yes," I answered.

"Yeah, I can tell, you got the legs for it."

"Thank you," I say, about to pedal off.

"I mean, look at those calves..." she trails off.

Next:

I'm biking home along K st NE, almost to Florida Ave when I pass a bus stop for a popular bus route. I see two people standing there; at the speed I'm going, I can see one is a young woman with long dark hair and a Marilyn piercing (read: above her lip on the left).

As I go past I hear, "Hey sexy, come back here!" I glance back because I didn't think that could be intended for me. "You, sexy, come back here!" Oh, but it was.

It's nice to know that I could pinch hit for the other team.

How Victorian of You

2010-03-04T10:39:00.001-05:00

I was sitting in the pentagon for a meeting yesterday near a man in his mid-sixties who has 5 grandchildren (I had spent a few minutes asking him about his personal life before the meeting, naturally).

After two hours and towards the end of the meeting, he slinks over one space and into the chair next right next to mine.

He then whispers in my ear, "This is a gender specific comment, but it's not meant to be sexist."

Quite intrigued about whatever is about to come next, I smile and say, "Okaaaaay."

He then whispers:"Glancing at your ankles is the only thing that has kept me awake during this meeting."

I pause, think about what he's said, then smile and say, "Happy to serve, sir!"

The 411

2010-02-24T21:33:00.002-05:00

The other night I was walking home from the bus, when I see across the street a group of 2 guys and a girl, probably in their early 20s, hanging out in front of someone's house.

"How you doin," one of the guys greets me from across the street.

"Alright," I say, "How are you?"

"Can you slow down for a minute?" he asks.

I am genuinely confused. "What?"

His girl friend explains, "He's tryin to get the 411." I think I understand...so I say, "Oh."

"So can you SLOW DOWN?!" he asks again.

I don't really know how to respond. So I say, "Sorry, I'm sick, I just wanna get inside and have some tea!"

"I respect that," he tells me. And I cough and walk away.

According to Urban Dictionary:

1.	411
	Another term used for "information". Hence dialing 411 for information. e.g. Damn she's fine, I am gonna go get the 411 on her

I Like the Way You Sweat

2010-02-16T16:41:00.003-05:00

I was out running on Sunday, and had just finished mile 6.5 out of 7.5. I was standing on top of a snow mountain waiting for the light to change and I notice a man in a black mustang with his window rolled down.

I had my ipod on, so at first I didn't realize he was talking to me. Then, after he had been sitting there a while, I took off my earphones and he said,"Damn baby, I like the way you sweat."

He then went on to introduce his mother in the passenger seat and his grandmother in the back seat.

The car behind him finally honked because he has sat through the entire green light. Looking again at me he says, "Sweaty baby almost made me miss the light."

I never got a word out due to being in a state of pure shock.

He can come, too

2009-12-18T12:01:00.001-05:00

Waiting to cross a street on a busy evening in Columbia Heights, I noticed out of the corner of my eye an appraising look. I glanced over.

"Hey there," he said when our eyes met briefly.

"Hey," I replied, trying to sound as unfriendly-friendly as possible.

"You a cutie," he went on, walking to my other side. "I like that dimple in your chin. It's cute."

Now, this is the first time anyone has EVER holla'd at my chin, or even ever really MENTIONED my chin as an attribute worthy of notice.

"Thanks," I said hestitantly, feeling somewhat amused.

"What are you doing tonight?" he asked. I could see where this was headed.

"To dinner with some friends."

"Sounds like an invitation," he countered without missing a beat.

"No...it's girls' night."

"Maybe tomorrow, then? We could get dinner?"

"No, my boyfriend wouldn't like that, I don't think." (Okay, so I don't have a boyfriend, but it just rolls off the tongue PLUS, it makes these things so much easier)

"He can come, too," he says to my amazement. Then adds, "I'll get the drinks." I admit I chuckled a little at the thought of something like that actually happening.

"Thanks for the offer, but I don't think so," I say politely and make my way across the street as he turns and heads the other direction.

It's Cold Outside...

2009-12-10T21:17:00.002-05:00

So, I was walking back from lunch past the security booth. The officer on duty said hello. I said hello back and he asked how I was doing. I said I was fine and told him to keep warm, as it was a particularly cold day and he needed to stand outside. His response, "I wish YOU'D come over here and keep me warm."

HOLLA.

Also, I'm pretty sure there was some sort of awkward waspy internet holla that happened recently, but I can't recall what it is. If you can, please remind me!!!

These are Just the Things

2009-10-14T18:15:00.000-04:00

You know how people always say, "I'm just saying..." as if it expunges them of all responsibility for the words that are about to come out of their mouth?

Well, my old roommate couldn't quite get the phrase, "I'm just saying..." to come out right. It usually came out, "These are just the things that I'm saying." Which is how "These are just the things" was born. But that is neither here nor there.

The other night my friend was pumping gas at a local gas station after finishing up a workout. Workout gear on, sweaty hair tied up, she did not feel anything close to glamorous.

Yet as she was about to get in her car, a man who had been standing across the parking lot shouted at her, "You're gorgeous." She tried to ignore him, but he continued, "I'm just saying...you're fine."

The only other witness was the homeless man who sometimes takes up the entire corner with his belongings.

It's Cuz They Don't Want To Date a Black Man, Just Say It

2009-10-14T18:14:00.003-04:00

Said the man who was trying to pick me up on the X1 bus as I rode home from work.

Things went a little something like this:

It was raining and I felt a little under the weather so I decided to take the bus home instead of bike. That meant I had to hoist my bike onto that rickety bike rack on the front of the bus and clip my helmet to my bag. We were about halfway home, maybe 2/3 of the way home, when he caught my eye and gestured to my helmet.

"That your bike out there?"

"Yep."

"Yeah, I saw the helmet but didn't see a bike, but then I saw the one out there...you ride every day?"

"Yep, every day to work and back."

Small talk about a friend who retired from the State Department.

"I like your voice."

"Oh, thank you."

"You married?"

"What? No, I'm not married."

"You lookin' for a man?"

"No, I've already got one." (This may have been a lie, but it's effective)

"What about your girlfriends, they lookin' for one?"

"Um, most aren't single and the ones who are are pretty picky. I don't think they'd do a blind date."

"It's 'cause they don't want to date a black man. Just say it."

"No, actually, that's not it."

'You can just say it - they don't want to date a black man."

"No, that's not what I'm saying. Maybe they don't want to date someone who tried to pick their friend up on the bus."

"Man, I pick women up anywhere...the laundromat, Popeye's, the club." (Yes, he literally said this).

"Well, I guess those are all public places." I try to make eye contact with any woman on the bus. They avert their eyes.

"You ever been to Some Club in Somewheresville, Maryland? It's only $15 and you get all the food you want. It's two clubs inside."

"You a promoter there or something?"

"No, just a regular. So, look, you want to go this Saturday night?"

"No, normally I get up early for church on Sunday so - "

He is obviously exasperated,"I'm not talking about Sunday, I said Saturday. HERE WE GO..." and he got off the bus.

The woman sitting across from me then got up to leave and patted me on the hand as she left. "You stay in church, honey."

Boston Edition

2009-10-14T18:11:00.002-04:00

This may not qualify as a holla! but I've got to tell the story anyway.

Over the holiday weekend my friend and I went to Boston. On Sunday, we drove up to Salem for part of the day. On our return to the city, we discovered you had to pay a toll to go over the bridge back into town. Luckily, we had $5 handy.

A car from Quebec moves over in front of us, pays, gets the green, then it's our turn. But when we pull up to the window, Lincoln in hand, the man in the booth simply says, "You're all set," and the light turns green.

Two possibilities here: cute girl discount OR the car from Quebec paid our toll. Either is very nice!

Also, men in Boston (just in general) seemed to find us very attractive. Better ratios, too. Think about it, ladies...

A Study in Contrasts

2009-10-06T22:45:00.003-04:00

The other night I was riding down U St. Stopped at a light, I watched the cars making a left turn. I guess I must have been staring at one girl turning left, who must have also thought I was mad-dogging her, because she yelled "Fattie!" at me and zoomed off. I was a bit shaken. No one likes to be called names, especially at 25. You feel like you've already passed through that gauntlet.

Lucky for me, a few blocks later, I had a very different interaction.

Young man on the sidewalk as I biked: "Hey there, how are you?!"

Me: "I'm fine, thanks. How are you?"

Young man: "Fine...but I'd be doing a lot better if you'd stop that bike."

Kiss Cam

2009-09-24T22:18:00.003-04:00

The other night I was at a Nationals Game. At some point during the game, usually in the middle of an inning, the Kiss Cam goes up on the big screen.

I'm sure you've seen it - a giant heart on the screen that frames a couple who are then forced to kiss awkwardly in front of the whole crowd. Things are progressing like you might imagine - young couples, older couples, girlfriends, boyfriends, married people.

And then the camera zooms in on a girl and guy, the girl munching on Cracker Jacks and the guy eating a hot dog. When she realizes they are on camera she looks at the guy and then kind of shakes her head and mouths, "No." The whole stadium boos. Then she looks flustered and mouths, "He's my BOSS!" to which the entire stadium erupts into cheers and applause.

It might have been the highlight of the game.

373 Paperclips...373...

2009-09-21T12:36:00.003-04:00

The other night I was out at a restaurant with a couple of my girlfriends. A nice looking young man sat at a table near us and enjoyed dinner alone.

When our bill came, we played the game, "Guess how much dinner cost!" and my guess was $83 - only $2 off.

As I picked up the receipt to divide the check the young man approached our table and said in a halting voice, "If your bill was $83 that would be $27.60 each or so. Have a good night!"

He moved away so quickly there was no time to say thank you.

It was very sweet.

Putting Out Fires...

2009-09-13T23:33:00.001-04:00

Today I was on the way to church (do you detect at theme?), when a firetruck pulled up next to me at a stoplight.

The firefighter inside leaned out the window and said, "You keep shakin it!" and they drove off.

I could not make these things up.

Subway Shorty

2009-08-21T10:12:00.002-04:00

The other Saturday some of my friends and I were at this hotel at the National Waterfront. The hotel was huge and impressive and had glass-cased elevators that you could look out of while you rode up. There was also a rumored club on the top level that you could only get to with a room key - none of us were guests.

We went up as high as we could on one side of the hotel, running into some drunk tourists and a Subway manager from Rhode Island who was at the hotel for the annual Subway Convention. Ironically, it was being held on a basement level. (That was poor, I know)

At any rate, we discover that we were on the wrong side of the building to access the club, so we go down and cross the lobby with this Subway guy becuase he's said we can go up to the top with him. When we get to the other side, we realize it's a awhole special entrance with a coat check, and there's probably no way they're going to let us all up with this one guy - especially since one of us was 5 years old.

So, I turn to him and say, "Hey, I don't think they're going to let us up...but thank you and have a good rest of your time here!" and shake his hand. He lets the handshake linger.

"I'm sure they'd let me take one of you up..."

"Ummm..." I stammer, turning back to the group for moral support. "No, that's okay, we've got to go anyway." And we part ways.

Later, one of my guy friends was giving me a little bit of a hard time about the incident saying, "Holla at your Subway Shawty!! You know that all he heard you say the whole time was 'Do you want to go to the club with me?'"

I shook my head. Selective hearing is incredible.

Did you do that on purpose?

2009-07-31T15:36:00.003-04:00

So, this entry may be more on the strange side rather than the "holla" side. But I feel that it is a tale worth sharing, nonetheless.

Last spring I wore a new tunic shirt/dress on a trip home from LA. One of the buttons fell off, making the top a little more revealing than I wanted. So, I decided to wear a sweater over it and thought it produced something close to a fashionable effect.

The plane became unbearably hot. I was forced to take the sweater off. A couple minutes later, a middle aged man walks past my seat, leans over and asks me in a hushed tone, "Did you mean to wear your shirt like that?" Baffled, I sputter nothing of substance and grasp at the fabric. He continues on to his seat.

Later, once the air is turned on in the plane, I put my sweater back on. As I'm heading back to the bathroom towards the end of the flight, the man sees me as I pass and says, "Sorry if I offended you earlier." And then I say, "Well, it's just that my button fell off, so I was wearing this sweater, but then it got so hot so I thought I'd take it off for a few minutes."

And that was how we left it.

I'll never know if he was just a fatherly do-gooder attempting to encourage me to be more modest, or a middle aged creepo.

Under Age Activity

2009-07-21T12:00:00.000-04:00

I was riding the 32 bus to the National Cathedral at 7:00 AM. In Georgetown, a high school aged boy, wearing a uniform, sits down next to me.

Boy: “So, I’m having a party this weekend. Do you want to come.”

Me: “Umm, no thank you.”

Boy: “Why, do you have a boyfriend or something?”

Me: “Yes. Yes I do.”

Boy: “Do you go to the Cathedral School?”

Me: “No. I’m 25.”

Boy: “Oh, sorry Ma’am”

The boy then moved to the other side of the bus.

You Aiight.

2009-07-17T15:45:00.000-04:00

So, this story is interesting because it happened to a male friend of mine.

It was somewhere around January 2 or 3, and my friend was out for a jog around our neighborhood, Rosedale, in Northeast DC. As he rounded the corner he heard a woman call out to him, "You gettin' in shape for 09? You ai'ight!!"

Going to Church

2009-07-15T14:55:00.001-04:00

The following event took place on the corner of Mass and 10th, NE at 11:00 AM.

Man at cross-walk: “Hey baby you looking good. Where you going?”

Me (dead pan): “To church.”

Man: "Me too. I’m going to thank God for making you so hot.”

Awkward Social Interaction, party of one? Your table is now available...

2009-07-13T23:29:00.002-04:00

4th of July, two years ago, I was out for a run. Running up that little hill between K and I along 19th, NW, I see a man walking down the hill towards me. He looks at me, an expression of alarm passes across his face, and he turns and starts running back up the hill in front of me. Then, all of a sudden, he stops, turns back toward me, and when I catch up to him he asks, "Are you running from something?"I say, "No, I'm just running" He says, "OK" and resumes his walk down the hill.

I guess some people can't stand being in a terrorist hotspot on a major holiday.

You lookin good on that bike...

2009-07-13T22:49:00.002-04:00

Today you get a special treat: TWO stories for the price of one. Interestingly enough, they both involve the phrase, "You lookin good on that bike."

Story one: A friend of mine owns a scooter and zips around town on it. I think that a girl on a scooter may be one of the cutest things on the planet. My male friend Rob disagrees, he thinks a girl on a bike is always more sexy. He says it comes down to one simple element: posture. But that's neither here nor there.

One day, my friend is on her scooter, stopped at a light. She sees a young guy on a bicycle riding towards her. Instead of passing her by, as she expects, he circles around her on his bicycle and concludes, "You lookin good on that bike!"

Story two: In the fall I was riding on K St, NE, on my way to Sidamo Coffee. As I pedaled up a small hill, a man in a car pulled up next two me, window rolled down. "Excuse me," he said, "Do you know where New York Ave is?" Me, being the Good Samaritan that I am, pointed North and said, "Sure! It's that way, just a couple blocks away from here." I turn my head back to the road ahead and expect him to drive on. He does not. Instead I hear these words, "You lookin good on that bike...could I take you out to dinner sometime?"

Can I touch you?

2009-07-13T15:41:00.000-04:00

The other night my friend had a surprise party for his wife up in Mt. Pleasant. Wonderful party, delicious food and beverage, great company - I was only sad that I had to leave early to fulfill my layperson duties the next morning at church.

While biking down the U St. corridor, I stopped at a light on 9th St and waited for the green. A man on the corner next to me, older, with a cain, perhaps Ethiopian, looked at me admiringly on my bicycle. "You look very good!" he exclaimed while sizing me up on my steed. Then, he crept a bit closer and his voice dropped. He reached a hand out towards me and said, "Can I touch you?"

"No!" I laughed incredulously as the light turned green and I rode off.

NB: This story sounds creepier than it really is. When he asked to touch me, it was in a way that someone might ask to touch a mythical creature, like a phoenix or a unicorn, more with a touch of reverence than anything else...which, really, makes the story all the more ridiculous.

Do me a favor...

2009-07-08T22:53:00.000-04:00

So tonight a few of my girlfriends and I decided to eat dinner at Taylor, a deli-style sandwich place on H St, NE. After ordering, I notice a table of twenty-something males paying special attention to one of my friends as she fills up her soda cup. I wondered if she noticed.

We all sit down at a table behind them, and a few minutes later they get up to leave. On their way out the door, one of them leans over to my friend and, with no irony at all, says: "Do me a favor...stay beautiful."

I told her she should try to find him tonight on Craigslist under "missed connections." Not likely.

White Chocolate

2009-06-23T18:16:00.000-04:00

I was riding my bike on Massachusetts Ave one night around 10:00pm when a van full of young men drove by my pretty quickly on my left. They shouted something at me out the window, which made me jump up a little off my bike seat, but they were moving so fast the wind carried it away. At the next signal, we were both waiting at the red light. This time one of the guys leans out the window and says, "Hey! White Chocolate!" The light immediately turns green and they take off. I, too, push off the curb and continue on my way. I am puzzled; I feel instinctively like what they have said is positive and not negative, but I can't be sure.

The next day I am at a friend's Graduation party. He happens to be African-American. I tell him, "Last night some guys called me 'White Chocolate' out of a minivan. What does that mean?" After he stops laughing he says, "It's like a reverse Oreo. You may be white on the outside...but you've got it going on!"

I've never had a nickname before...

I Ain't No Holla Back Girl

2009-06-21T22:26:00.000-04:00

Everyone has heard this song. And maybe you know eve what Gwen Stefani is trying to say. But what you may not have heard and what you may not know is the every day hollarin that happens in my town.

They range from the innocuous to the obscene, they've been shouted at almost every girl I know. We've all dealt with getting cat-called, with getting hit-on at a bar, with being pretty sure some guy on the corner was trying to imagine us without any clothes on. And now it's our turn...

This is my attempt to catalogue my stories and those of my friends, to respond off the street and on the page. Won't you join me, ladies of Washington, DC?

This is our chance...to holla back, youngin.